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Everyone could use couples therapy. It is hard as hell to live with another person and make it work. And then you add a baby? Congratulations, you just unlocked the “sleep-deprived roommate” level of marriage.
This season is beautiful. But it is also messy, exhausting, and heavier than anyone prepares you for. Most couples go into parenthood doing all the prep work for the baby. You research doctors, read the books, take the classes, maybe even plan out daycares and college funds. But very few couples stop to think about what happens to the relationship once kids arrive. That part usually gets left behind. And yet, the relationship is the foundation that can make or break this season of life.
If you’re asking why that happens, hi, first-time parent. If you already know it can 100% shake (or break) a relationship, then yeah… it’s time to do some work.
The thing is that this season of life has a way of pulling good couples into painful patterns. And if you were already struggling before, the cracks get wider. Not to scare you, but this is the reality of parenthood. Things get harder. It's normal. It's expected.
The mental load triples overnight
Resentments build over who is doing more or who gets to rest (suddenly you know exactly how many diapers are left in the house, but your partner somehow does not)
You feel unappreciated or like nothing you do is enough. How come nobody clapped for washing bottles at 2am?
Fights start over the smallest things and spiral into big ones
Intimacy and connection get put on hold indefinitely
Disappointment sets in when reality looks nothing like what you pictured
Identity shifts show up and you do not know how to talk about them
Small hurts pile up until the relationship feels tense and fragile
At some point you look at each other and think, “When did we stop being on the same team? What happened to us? What happened to you?”. Couples therapy at this stage is not about baby schedules or parenting techniques. It is about the two of you and making sure you do not get lost in the process of raising kids. Will it still be hard? Yes. You will still be tired and stretched thin. It will feel impossible ("when do we find the time"). And it will definitely not look like fireworks and the end of a Hallmark movie. But when the relationship is cared for, you have space to enjoy your kids, enjoy each other, and even fall in love again instead of just surviving. Bring back the Sunday-brunch-loving-life feeling while also doing soccer practice, someone is crying (maybe it’s you), and listening to Paw Patrol in the brackground.
You are doing all the things. Planning the nursery, learning about birth, figuring out what a “wake window” even is. You have probably read the books, bookmarked the tips, and built the spreadsheet. What you might not be planning for is liking each other after three nights of no sleep, several diaper blowouts, and a screaming baby. For some, a screaming baby and a toddler who just learned the word “no.”
This is the perfect time to build the kind of foundation that can hold you through what is coming. In our work, we will talk about what this transition actually does to a relationship. The expectations that sneak in. The assumptions that create distance. The stress that makes you take things personally. And we will make sure you have tools to stay connected so when things get hard (and they will), you can still find your way back to each other.
Because even the most capable, organized couples cannot outplan what parenthood does to a relationship. But you can learn how to handle it together.
I have spent years studying and helping couples prepare for and move through the transition to parenthood. Supporting new parents, expecting parents, and couples raising young kids has become one of my passions and something I deeply believe in.
This work is not just professional for me. It is personal. I have lived this transition myself and know what it is like to get tested in this season. The exhaustion, the emotional load, the thousand tiny moments where patience runs thin. The times you have to pull from whatever willpower you have left just to say “yes, honey” instead of “what kind of question is that.” I know what it feels like to love your partner and still want to throw a pillow at them at 3 a.m. I know the kind of tired that makes small things feel huge and how easy it is to forget you are on the same side.
Most people do not realize how quickly the relationship gets pushed to the backburner, and how natural it is to do so. Research shows that relationship satisfaction often drops in the first few years of parenting. And honestly, who is surprised by that? You are focused on the baby, the house, the work, the endless logistics. Having time for the relationship feels impossible. I know.
But if you are wanting more for the two of you, then I'm your person. If you understand that leaving the relationship last will cost a lot more later than finding the time now. Because not only will you need your partner to survive and thrive through this season, but once kids start needing you less (because that is how life works), it will be the two of you who have to find each other again. And spoiler, it is ten times harder once years of damage have piled up. Let’s not make it harder than it has to be.
